Joe Milutis is giving away 5.5 million dollars.

As part of the Northwest Film Forum’s “Debt Ceiling Package” installation during the 2011 Local Sightings Festival, Milutis will offer a one-of-a-kind chance to erase all your debt: 5.5 million dollars in a stylish leather suitcase designed by the artist.

But that’s not all.  The artist is giving one lucky collector the opportunity to have it all for a mere $550.  Since proceeds will go to benefit Northwest Film Forum, if you are part of our country’s elusive 1%, you can also choose to pay in a multiple of 10 ($5500, e.g.) or multiple of two (i.e. $1100).

Some guys have all the lucre.

Did we mention, it’s a Louis Vuitton bag?  We know you will enjoy the consummate detailing from the often copied, never duplicated House of Vuitton.

Because you earned it!

All funds are unmarked $10,000 Franklin bills (you thought Franklin was only on the C-note, these are New Economy Franklins!), legal Ghost Tender drawn on Untted Statts Hell-Banks.  We also provide Ghost Apparel and Ghost Bling (Joss Cell-Phones, Roles Watchees, Hell-Bank Credit & Debit Cards), in case you want to get the hell out of here.

And who wouldn’t with all that dough?  Salvation!

But, in addition, you will also get a full set of the elusive and legendary literary succès de scandale The Torrent.

(*Author and aperitif not included.)

5 books, plus l bonus, all very very wrong.  The publication of The Torrent was so famously botched, that we are offering the new owner of this portmanteau the chance to create it anew.  The possessor will be able to avail him or herself of deck of Torrent images, both in digital and analog formats.

More?  You’re the kind of person who DESERVES more.

In addition to a “Cinema Owes Me” reader, and the exquisite kinkos-quality enlargements of a climactic scene from The Torrent, not to mention the aforementioned exquisite detailings from the House of Vuitton . . .

You will receive 2 data sticks with enough materials–both audio and video samples–to compose your own multimedia reconfigurations of The Torrent.  Perhaps you will compromise the roll-out of Milutis’ interminably stalled sequel, of which only a trailer is currently available.

“This really matches how I envision my lifestyle!” you say.

Or should we say “afterlifestyle?”

Did we fail to mention that you will also get a Gustav Dore “Cinema Owes Me” .gif?  It will be on the data stick, but heck, the best .gifs in life are free, so here:

In a word: hell-in-a-hand-basket.

Lastly, surprising communiques from the underworld are at the deepest levels of this valise.  The suitcase originally belonged to the now-deceased Frank Fatsie of Allentown, PA.  Milutis also, like the suitcase, somehow made it from the Lehigh Valley of Pennsylvania to Seattle.  Milutis has tracked down the grandson of the previous owner of the suitcase, interviewed him, and has discovered SHOCKING coincidences that are sure to ILLUMINATE and INFORM.  The audio is included.  We will leave it for you to decide if, after all, this project was authored by Milutis, or by the trickster Fatsie from beyond the grave.

Listen to Excerpt

The suitcase will be on view at the Film Forum from September 30 to October 6, 2011.  However, because of its sensitive contents, it will remain locked and they will only be able to be viewed online.  Milutis will personally unlock the case for the buyer, who will be able to inspect its contents before committing to the purchase.

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